My sponsor told my long ago that it is possible to work a great program if you are in a closet all by yourself, but invite some people or situations into your closet and all hell breaks loose. Well, there are some people and situations in my closet, and I am struggling.
My road of recovery has been long and circuitous. I repeatedly spiral around to the same issue - the inability to detach with love from the people I am closest to. I react with anger when I am afraid, and put up walls between myself and the ones I love the most.
I am entirely ready to surrender, to have this defect of character removed, but I know that until I really understand the reward for continuing to behave in this manner, I will not truly let go. I am determined to explore this and other issues that prevent me from living in harmony with my family and myself. I am programmed by genetics, upbringing, experience to behave in ways that do not serve me well. I am opening myself to the process of self discovery and recovery. Let the journey commence.
Exploring the depths of my being, hoping to shed light on the dark side of my soul.
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