No More Chemo

I had three cycles of taxotere and cytoxan, with a chaser of neulasta. I was originally scheduled to have four cycles, but when it came time for the fourth one my doctor postponed it due to the fact that I was still so debilitated by the first three. He said that if I did not feel better in another week we would skip the last treatment and move onto radiation. I happily called a week later and let them know that I was not coming in for the last dose. I was still so weak and tired that I knew it was time to stop. My hemoglobin and protein levels were very low, and my white count was high. My hands and feet were numb and tingly. My fingernails changed color and were sore and brittle. The oncologist felt that I had received 85 - 90% of the benefit of chemotherapy, and I was willing to accept that it was enough.

Several people chastised me for my decision to forego that last treatment. Most of them have never had to go through chemotherapy, nor are they medical professionals, so their credibility was questionable. I had to trust myself to know what was right for me. I know that others go through much more in their fight against cancer. I watch my daughter return to the hospital every few weeks for more of the toxic chemicals that are extending her life and I am amazed at her ability to go on. I am sitting at the hospital with her now on day four of yet another round of chemo. Unless some miraculous cure is found she will spend the rest of her life fighting this disease. I know that at some point she may decide that she has had enough. I will not blame her.

It's been seven weeks since my last dose of chemotherapy and I am just beginning to feel like I have a little bit of energy. I can walk up and down the stairs without having to sit down immediately. I still take a nap every day, but I am able to fix a meal or do a load of laundry or pull few weeds. I can push a grocery cart around Meijer Thrifty Acres. My hair has started to grow. I used to take these things for granted, but no more.

I have an appointment to have my port removed and another appointment for a bone density test, which the doctor requires prior to prescribing hormone suppressing drugs. I am preparing to undergo several weeks of radiation treatments, which I understand will be very tiring, but I figure after chemo it will be a walk in the park. That is if I actually can walk in the park.