Much has been written over the eons about love. Mostly romantic love with all of its ecstasy, pitfalls and drama. There is the love we feel for our children, our animals, our new car. People are liable to say that they "love" a new t.v. show or celebrity. So, really, what is love? It's easy to say that you love someone. It's pretty easy to feel love for someone. The really difficult task is in truly loving them. Love is not a noun, it is a verb, an action. Without the action, all the pretty words mean nothing. When your three month old baby is crying incessantly at 3:00 in the morning, do you get out of bed for the umpteenth time and try to soothe them because you feel this great love for them, or because you just want them to shut up so you can get back to sleep? Love is the thing you do when you do not feel loving, when a person is the hardest to love, how do you act toward them?
Exploring the depths of my being, hoping to shed light on the dark side of my soul.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Family
My family is very close, loving and full of co-dependent and/or addicted folks. The majority of us are smart, smart-assed, funny, creative and extremely interesting. I love them all fiercely and sometimes they drive me crazy. I recently heard a sermon regarding the souls that we have chosen to spend our lives with, and the lessons we learn from each other, and how we are mirrors for one another. I have to ask myself, "Am I learning from these people, or am I fighting against the tide of my spiritual journey?"
I have heard it said "there is the family you want, the family you got, and the family you choose". I guess that many of us have this fantasy family where everyone acts like Ward, June, Wally and the Beav. I don't really know anyone who has a family like that, but surely they must exist somewhere. Or were they the product of some 1960ish t.v. writers longing for a family where dad and mom did not get all liquored up and make a scene in the front yard on Friday night? Have we all been duped into believing that families can be like the Anderson's on Father Knows Best, or The Brady Bunch, or The Waltons? I loved the Waltons so much that I actually named some of my children after the characters on the show. I wanted us to be like the Waltons, but I think we more resemble the Simpsons on a good day.
I don't know if I could really describe the family I want, it is such an elusive ever changing thing, but I can tell you about the family I've got. My parents loved me, but were often consumed with their own issues and were not always available to me in the ways that I wish they could have been. My brother and I fought like wild savages when we were young, and he died before we could really be grown ups together. I was blessed with many grandparents who spent time with me and gave me a sense of security, although their marriages were not an example of blissful cohabitation. My aunt and uncles have shown me strength and humility and courage in the face of their many challenges. I married a man who gave me four wonderful children, but we eventually went our separate ways due to irreconcilable differences. Those children have been the source of my greatest joy, my deepest pain and my most valuable lessons. My current husband is my best friend, my anchor in a sometimes crazy world, and he cannot seem to put my power tools back where they belong. I have stepsons and daughters in law who I love and admire, and grandsons who are the light of my life. I have the dearest friends who have helped me to grow into a better person, and loved me when I could not love myself. And you know what? In the end, this is the family I choose.
I have heard it said "there is the family you want, the family you got, and the family you choose". I guess that many of us have this fantasy family where everyone acts like Ward, June, Wally and the Beav. I don't really know anyone who has a family like that, but surely they must exist somewhere. Or were they the product of some 1960ish t.v. writers longing for a family where dad and mom did not get all liquored up and make a scene in the front yard on Friday night? Have we all been duped into believing that families can be like the Anderson's on Father Knows Best, or The Brady Bunch, or The Waltons? I loved the Waltons so much that I actually named some of my children after the characters on the show. I wanted us to be like the Waltons, but I think we more resemble the Simpsons on a good day.
I don't know if I could really describe the family I want, it is such an elusive ever changing thing, but I can tell you about the family I've got. My parents loved me, but were often consumed with their own issues and were not always available to me in the ways that I wish they could have been. My brother and I fought like wild savages when we were young, and he died before we could really be grown ups together. I was blessed with many grandparents who spent time with me and gave me a sense of security, although their marriages were not an example of blissful cohabitation. My aunt and uncles have shown me strength and humility and courage in the face of their many challenges. I married a man who gave me four wonderful children, but we eventually went our separate ways due to irreconcilable differences. Those children have been the source of my greatest joy, my deepest pain and my most valuable lessons. My current husband is my best friend, my anchor in a sometimes crazy world, and he cannot seem to put my power tools back where they belong. I have stepsons and daughters in law who I love and admire, and grandsons who are the light of my life. I have the dearest friends who have helped me to grow into a better person, and loved me when I could not love myself. And you know what? In the end, this is the family I choose.
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